Saturday, May 21, 2016

Open Letter To My Family. Re: My Fat Existence

This is an open letter to my family.

Dear family,

I love you first off and I respect you more than anything but I am sure you understand why I am upset. This is not a blast piece. I don't want to make you feel bad but guys, seriously, you gotta lay off my weight. I understand you want what is best for me but constantly hounding me about it is making me worst. Not better. I also need you to know that I am OK with my size. No, I don't want to lose weight. That happens naturally.  No, I am not unhealthy. No, I don't want to find out what my cousin- who was the same size as me- did to lose weight. Its not my concern and shes not me. I am very tired of you talking about like weight with such disgust and disdain. I am SO tired of your crude exclamations of  'Gyal you so fat ya look ready ta buss!' I am so much more than this.

I completed university.
I am working as an English Teacher, supporting myself, taking care of myself.
You don't hear my name in the streets.
I am not an unkind person and I am heeding every thing you taught me.

Why after all of these good things I still feel like you think I'm a failure because I am not slim? That all of these things I did and am doing isn't as good as they really are to you because I was and am still fat? Why do I have to endure the 'Who, Trisha?' when someone calls me pretty? Why do I have to be made to feel less than around others? Why do I have to be always compared? Why is my sister being constantly told she shouldn't get fat like me? Why am I the disappointment?! Please tell me!

You know, I meant this letter as a means to get you to understand me as a person, but I want this to be a scared act of revolution for all of the fat babes out there who's family made them feel like crap. I am there with you in solidarity and understanding. Its bad that we have to be told by the world that we are worthless and disgusting but by our family members too? Its about time we stand up for ourselves and make our existence as proud fat people to the one set of people that's suppose to love us unconditionally, regardless of our size.

After all I went through these past months I need a bit of time of time to figure where I am at in my  body positive journey. As you can see it's not like I am NOT facing some difficulties, I am. My once astounding resilience is being tested. Unfortunately by the people closest to me. The fucked up thing is that if people on the outside hear what is being said about and to me they are definitely going to use that as fodder in their overloaded hate cannons

This letter is just my way of finding some kind of balance between what I've learn about myself and what I know. But, fam, I can tell you this, if you haven't figured it out by now:

I am fat.
There's no denying I am fat.
I take up space. I spread out and I deserve to feel loved and appreciated.
No. Matter. What

Your child,